* Fade into the conference room at B.@.D Live Reloaded Headquarters. B.@.D is at the head of the table. He stands up to begin speaking. *
I want to thank you all for coming. I know it isn't easy to get everyone together.
Hey, even The Prince is here!
... and he's brought a single, raw carrot.
I stole it, yo.
Well, you've got to keep it 'hood.
I know I'm new here, but... why did The Prince bring a carrot?
Dylf told me this was the Christmas Party.
Is this the Christmas party?
No. We aren't having a Christmas Party.
What? I brought food too!
Uh... P(BJ), what IS that?
Good God. What the fuck is wrong with you?
What? I was concerned that there wouldn't be a vegan option. This edible holiday loaf is good!
She needs to get the fuck out of here before I call the police.
Maybe we should try to stay on topic. This is a hard group to keep focused. B.@.D?
Thanks Jaderberri. Guys, I wanted to make an announ...
DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME!!!
* Everyone turns and stares at Dylf, uneasy... *
Uh... make an announcement.
Is this about the .com address you got for the site?
No. This isn't easy for me to...
What? No! No. I'm not gay. P(BJ), how many times must we have this...
SPEAK already! What is it?
I'm leaving the site. I'm moving to California to start an acting career.
* Puts his head in his arms and starts pounding on the table, laughing uncontrolably. *
* B.@.D glares at Dylf. Everyone is silent. *
DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?! THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE THINKS HE CAN BE AN ACTOR!!! AAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
* Stands up and starts pounding his fists against his knees, then tosses a table across the room, still laughing hysterically. *
Uh... Dylf, I think you need to calm down a bit.
No, I'm with Dylf. We have to kill him just for coming up with this. You guys realize that right?
Dibs on his dog.
You're right, it's rude to do dibs on his stuff before we've killed him. Sorry.
No, what I mean is that I'M taking Enzo.
Um... B.@.D, have you asked anyone for any feedback on this idea?
No. It was DeAnna's idea.
Uh... DeAnna. HELLO? DeAnna Pappas. I just married her!
Uh... is there something we should know?
Like "are you fucking retarded?"
B.@.D... DeAnna isn't real.
What? Yes she is. She was on "The Bachelor"!
Well... yes, but like... the DeAnna YOU met was the video game representation of her.
Why would you say something like that? That's not true.
Yes it is.
No it's not.
Yes it fucking is.
No motherfucker, it fucking isn't!
Yes motherfucker, it fucking is!
You're fucking insane!!! WE JUST GOT MARRIED!!!
You're fucking high!!! IT'S A VIDEO GAME!!!
* Walks into the room from around the corner. *
DeAnna Pappas: B.@.D, are you coming baby?
Yeah, give me a few minutes. These guys are being wierd.
... oh my God.
You've got to be kidding me.
Who are you?
DeAnna Pappas: I'm DeAnna. B.@.D's new wife.
DeAnna Pappas? ... like, from The Bachelor.
DeAnna Pappas: Well, yes, but it was The Bachelorette where I met your friend B.@.D here.
He's really more of a co-worker than a friend.
What the fuck is going on??? Am I high right now???
You're always high. What do you mean?
That's DeAnna Pappas!!!
Dude, I know who she is. That's my wife.
DeAnna Pappas: Hello.
Why is DeAnna Pappas here?
What the fuck is wrong with you? I married her. The whole country saw it. It was on a magazine cover!!!
But... we thought...
DeAnna Pappas: Baby, can we get going? These guys are wierd and we don't want to miss our honeymoon flight.
DeAnna, it's gonna be a really long trip if you don't cut the crap.
* DeAnna heads to the car. *
DeAnna Pappas: Nice meeting you all!
* The Prince comes out of the bathroom as she walks around the corner and he bumps into her. *
So, what the fuck's going on? You're B.@.D's new girlfriend or something? If you've already had the small, do you wanna come back for the medium?
DeAnna Pappas: You're The Prince, aren't you? I heard about you. I'll be in the car with the doors locked and the engine running and my foot hovering above the gas pedal.
* Leaves for the car. *
Prince... that was B.@.D's new wife.
Really? What the fuck is wrong with her?
That's what we're trying to figure out.
You guys are mean. What do you have against her?
We don't have anything against her, it's just that...
Is it because she's from Kentucky? Doesn't bother me.
All right, it bothers me a little.
I don't think that's what...
Anyway, like I said, I'm leaving. Dylf, you're in charge of the site from now on. You'll probably see me on Leno or something before too long.
* Everyone is silent. *
I'll write you. Lead good lives!
* B.@.D approaches Dylf for a goodbye hug. *
Get the fuck away from me.
I know, man. It's hard for me too. But this is...
I'm serious. I'll cut you.
Well, I gotta go. Later guys!
* Everyone is silent, stunned, as B.@.D walks around the corner and leaves. *
* Fade out. *
MAKE SURE TUNE IN NEXT SEASON! (STARTS MID-JANUARY.)
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM EVERYONE HERE AT B.@.D LIVE RELOADED!!!